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Once upon a time life was simple. Evolutionarily speaking.

Then, things began to change.

The competition got tougher.

There were winners...and losers. The struggle continued.

Then in the fall of 1970, a new creature appeared...

The likes of which had never been seen before.

Noble, upright, virtuous.

Ninth-grade man.

Master of all he surveyed.

Which in this case was Woody's Pizza Barn where the elite went to meet.

Yep, by the last week of summer I was feeling pretty good about myself.

Life seemed to be full of promise, full of hope, full of...

Patchy dry spots! I'm getting patchy dry spots.

Relax, Paul. You're just having back-to-school jitters.

By tomorrow you'll be fine.

Sure.

Only...what if something goes wrong?

What if I wear the wrong clothes?

What if I forget...?

Paul!

I gotta go put on some ointment.

OK, so not everyone shared my sense of well-being.

That was understandable. Not everyone had a steady girl like mine.

Winnie Cooper.

So long as we had each other, we had nothing to fear.

I'm scared.

What?!

Well, I am.

Winnie, stop worrying. Everybody's gonna like you.

That's easy for you to say.

You're not starting in a new school. All the strange classrooms. The strange people.

And you'll be so far away.

You won't forget about me, will you?

What?!

Will you think about me?

Of course I'll think about you!

Think about me every hour. On the hour.

And I'll think about you.

Winnie!

Promise? Every hour?

I promise.

Sure. I'd promise her the world.

Why not? I was ninth-grade man.

And I was ready - for anything.

This is mine!

Make that almost anything.

Tony? / Barbella?

Welcome back.

I thought he graduated...

I graduate every year.

Oh.

And this is my locker!

Great. Three minutes into the new year and the first face I see...

Belongs on the wall of the post office. Still, I could handle this.

Uh, no, I don't think so, Tony, you see, that's your locker.

Over there. Remember?

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

There. Simple reasoning. Solid logic.

So I guess I got two now, huh? Lucky me.

Yeah, but -

Do you think you could deal with that?

But because if you can't, I'm gonna have to take your thumb and bend it back to your elbow.

Seems that Tony had a logic of his own.

Help yourself.

After all, no sense letting one gorilla ruin my whole day.

I had places to go. Things to do. Lockers to find...

People to meet.

This is my locker.

Becky! Hi!

Becky Slater. Once my Nemesis, but now just a good friend.

I hate you, Kevin!

What? Why?

As if you didn't know!

But - / Don't play dumb with me, Kevin. You introduced us.

That answered that. With just one little question...

What is she talking about?

Craig Hobson.

Didn't you hear? He dumped her.

Then he left for military school.

This is your fault!

But I don't get mad -

I get even!

Kind a like having your own personal welcome-wagon waiting at the door.

I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America...

OK...things were starting off a little bumpy. I wasn't worried.

I had more important things to do. Like think about Winnie.

...and justice for all.

Yep, In just two minutes she'd be thinking about me.

Poor kid, all alone in a new school.

I can only hope someone would be nice enough to say...

Hnnhn...

Hnhnhnhnw...

Uhnuhnhunhuhh...

Gulp!

Excuse me.

You, uh...dropped this.

And I...um, uh...picked...picked it up.

For you.

Thank you -

Ke-K-Kevin.

Fact! Lead conducts electricity.

I wonder whether you could help me?

Is this class at the other side of the quad?

Uh...

Yeah. Yeah, just down to the left.

Thank you.

You bet.

Darn it!

OK - so I dropped the ball.

Just being hospitable.

Winnie would understand.

I don't understand this!

Huh...?

My schedule! Look what they gave me. Chemistry!

So, what's wrong with that!?

Are you kidding? You know what happens if I get near chemicals. I'm allergic to soap!

Paul...

I knew this year would be a disaster.

Well, what did you get?

Uh, let me see.

I bet you got something neat. Like astronomy. Or physics!

Sure, something neat. Like, say...

Industrial arts? Shop?

It was encouraging to know that the board of education had such confidence in my intellectual prowess.

Hey! Hey, don't stand next to that machine!

What? Why?

That baby ate Ray Spike's index fingers. It's kind of a shrine.

You're new here, aren't you?

Yeah. But it's a mistake.

That's what they all say...

No really! See there's been a mistake on my schedule.

If it had been a blueprint this kid might have been able to read it.

But since it was in English, it was pretty obvious - he didn't have a clue.

Is there a teacher here?

Ah, yeah, Nestor. But you don't wanna talk to Nestor.

Of course I did. After all he was a teacher, an employee of the public school system.

Where is he?

Over there!

Awright. Let's go. I got it. It's up. It's up. It's clear!

Awright, bulletheads! Back to it.

Uh, Mr. Nestor?

Yo.

Hi. I'm Kevin Arnold.

That so?

Yeah. I wanna speak with you about my schedule.

Schedule? Huh?

Uh, yes, Sir. About this class.

This class? Hah?

Well, I think, possibly, there's been a mistake.

Mistake? Hah!

OK. So far, so good. So far as I could tell.

Yeah, well. The fact is that I'm not very good in industrial arts.

I think I'd be better at something like, uh, chemistry, or, uh...

Masha! Your eyes...

Watch your eyes! Bullethead.

Oh, where were we?

Well, as silly as it sounds, uh, I think they've got the wrong Arnold.

Wrong Arnold? Hah?

Uh, right. So...

Burber! No, no. Not the screwdriver, the chisel!

Idiot! So, you want out?

Is that it?

Kinda. I mean if that would be all right with you.

OK. I'll let you out.

There. Finally!

There is one thing though.

You gotta arm wrestle me for it!

Uh-huh. Things were starting off with a bang. And it wasn't even lunch yet.

Come on, Kev. It's not so bad. Things will work out.

Yeah, it's easy for you to say.

Still, maybe Paul had a point. The day was only half over.

Maybe it was the matter of seeing the glass half full.

Or half empty.

Or completely empty.

I hate men.

Repetez apres moi! Bonjour la classe!

Bonjour Madame!

Bonjour la classe!

Bonjour Madame!

Now, here was something hopeful. Shop was foreign to me.

French was simply a language I didn't understand. / Bonjour Madame!

Class, this year we're going to try something new. From now on we are only going to speak en fran?is. Ce bien?

Alright. Who would like to go first? Guillomme.

Comment-allez vous aujourd'Hui? ("How are you, today?")

Frere Jacques? ("Brother Jacques?")

Uh-huh, things were getting back to normal.

And I wasn't going to miss my one o'clock "think about Winnie" promise.

Mademoiselle? Dites-moi votre nom! S'il vous plait? ("Young lady, tell me your name, please.")

Je m'appelle Madeleine. ("My name is Madeline.")

C'est excellent, Mademoiselle. ("That's excellent, Mademoiselle.")

Merci beaucoups. ("Thank you.")

Dites-nous ou habitiez-vous l'annee derniere? ("Tell us where you lived last year.")

Alors, j'ai habite a Lyon, a la midi de la France. ("Well, I lived in Lyons, in the middle of France.")

J'aime beaucoup voyager avec mon pere. ("I really love to travel with my father.")

And suddenly I understood why French was the language of diplomacy, of poetry, of romance.

Of amore.

Suddenly I understood every single word.

J'ai attendu toute ma vie pour toi.

Voulez-vous de beurre?

A l'instant je t'ai vu, je n'ai su qu'il etait personne d'autre.

Voulez-vous de beurre?

Mon coeur est remplit de toi.

T'a pensem'obsede.

Voulez-vous de beurre?

Hey, it was the only thing I knew in French.

Kevin!

Madeline!

Kevin!

En francais, s'il vous plait!

Darn it!

This much was clear - in any language...

I needed help. I had to take action, seek answers.

Come in.

Yep, this is what I needed. A man of wisdom, a man of vision. A man...

Who taught gym.

Ah, Arnold.

Mr. Cutlip?

What can I do for you?

I uh...I came to see the guidance counselor. Is he in?

Mrs. Dalla Betta... ...is the regular guidance man.

I'm just filling in. Temporarily. Till December. Can it wait?

Uh, well...umm...

Relax, Arnold. Take a load off. Have a seat.

Right. I understand your hesitation. You're thinking, "Ed Cutlip, a crack physical education instructor.

What's a man of action like him... ...doing in a swivel chair?" Am I right?

Well.

Unusual? Maybe. Unexpected? Certainly.

But think of it this way, Arnold, there might be more in this old bean than meets the eye.

May be I can even help.

The way he said it, for one moment, I actually wondered if he could help.

Peanut?

No. No, thanks.

Come on, son. What is it?

It's ninth grade.

Ah.

It's not turning out the way I thought it would. I-I don't have a locker...

And my classes are all wrong and...

I see!

You do?

It's a complex problem. But there's a simple solution.

There is?

Maybe I had him wrong.

Maybe there was more to Ed Cutlip than met the eye.

So, what do we do now?

Laps!

Well, think of it this way. Every cloud has a silver lining. The way this day was going, I was probably better off being alone.

And suddenly I knew what Custer felt like.

Great Sitting Bull herself. And she was gaining on me.

Instinctively I knew - this was a challenge, a test - and I was up to it.

Sure, it was dumb. But at that moment, all I knew was - I had to win!

I pulled up even. I pulled ahead.

As we rounded that final turn, I felt like I had wings. Sure, maybe I couldn't find a locker. Maybe I was stuck in shop...

But I was gonna beat this girl.

And I was gonna win this race.

This was going to be a massacre. / Theme from "2001"

Heh-heh. No hard feelings, huh "Slates"?

Ughhhhh...

And that about did it.

The perfect end to a perfect day.

Kevin?

Madeline?

She'd seen the whole thing...

The whole humiliating episode!

Ugh...

It was pretty clear that she'd just come over to laugh at me.

I just came over to thank you...

Huh?

For being nice to me. You don't know how hard it is to be the new girl in school.

And then it happened. Something inside of me snapped.

Kev?

Later!

I had enough. I'd been pushed too far. And I knew what I had to do.

Hey! Barbella!

I want my locker back.

Now!

Ninth-grade man. Noble, upright, virtuous. I went into my last year of junior high thinking I knew all the answers.

And suddenly all I had were questions.

Plus a dislocated thumb.

It's funny. I remembered the time when I knew who I was. But that was eight hours ago.

Suddenly I felt on the outside, looking in. Looking for...

Winnie.

Hi!
/ Hi.
/ "Be My Baby" - The Ronettes

How was your day?

I wanted to tell her everything, every bit of it. All the setbacks, all the screw-ups.

Fine.

Heck. I knew she'd understand.

How about yours?

OK.

After all when you're fourteen, you can't always put words to life. All I knew was - I felt home again.

You don't know how hard it is to be the new girl in school.